Mumbai Madlam...

I’ve been missing Mumbai a lot lately. It’s one city like no other, with a pulse that beats to a rhythm of its own.

Infact I love the place so much that I could exhaust reams of paper on it and yet have more to tell if only you had the patience to listen. So maddened was a friend of mine by this Mumbai mania that he thought he’d fox me into asking me to limit myself to one word that described the city best. And so…what's the one adjective that describes Mumbai best?

Onomatopoeic, I'd say bang on, without so much as batting an eyelid!

Right from the minute you've pronounced it - Mooombaaai, sound in every conceivable form is as much a part of the Mumbai experience as is 'aaloo' to 'tikki'. You just can't divorce one from the other - till death does them apart! Sound logic that, ain't it...

For a species blessed to be proudly christened a Mumbaikarr, the day begins with a jolt outta the early morning blue with the jarring 'darwaaze kii ghantii' shrieking for immediate attention lest the impatient 'doodhwalla' pasteurising in ire decides to supply you with milk that’s richly bathed to a texture that'd defy the theory of the anomalous behaviour of water. Talk of 'gayii bhaez paanii mein', the phrase takes-on a whole new meaning out here.

You've barely attended the door and sleepily trudged to bed, when triiiiiiiing goes the doorbell again, damn...and this time it's the paper man. To hell with him, you say, but then you're rudely awakened realising that failure to answer the door would mean your neighbours naughty kids eagerly feeding your paper to their dog. Back to the door you go yet again...

Finally, some treasured moments of sleep. But now, it's the turn of the morning alarm. An alarming churn of events these!

At eight you set out for work and as you move down the staircase you're acutely made aware of verbal duels concerning a burnt breakfast or whose turn it is to drop the kids to school today, to the maid next door proclaiming in lament and choicest of language to who-so-ever cares to give her a listening ear, her being underpaid and overworked by the pugnacious Punjabi family who've just moved in. Then there is the collective 'phatkarr' rhythm of clothes being stone washed (washing machines are passé, handwashed rules in Mumbai) that makes you feel that you’re almost living off 'dhobi ghaat' even though you may actually be right in the heart of Colaba. Phew...making it to the ground floor was never more of a relief...

Playing 'dodge-em' and screaming your lungs hoarse, lest they run you over because they didn't see you and can only hear you, you manage winding your way through the honking traffic to finally reach the railway station - Mumbai's ubiquitous lifeline. Aah, you say, finally for some respite! But how wrong you were. Within the confines of the railway station, it's an auditory symphony of rising decibels for one and all. From the shoe shine boy to the newspaper stall vendor, the irate stock broker on his flashy mobile to a vociferous bunch of college going teens, to even the railway announcer (and never mind if the announcement of a trains arrival comes minutes after its delayed departure) it's cacophony all the way and Mumbai after all. ‘Yahaan sab kucch chaltaa hai’ remember.

And if you thought Sivamani was the best percussionist around, then you haven't obviously heard the 'bhajan mandalii's' on the Mumbai locals who could put an Altaf Raja to shame with their modern day renditions of the 'santvanii'. Listening to them, even a Kaaphirr would be forced to remark, indeed, the God's must be crazy!

You’ve reached work in one piece all safe and sound. Sound, did I say, well, here at work you are constantly subjected to the drone of a staccato tabbing across keyboards as your fellow colleagues lap it all from sites varying from 'playboy.com' to 'cricinfo.com' depending on the sport they're up for playing. And then of course there’s that decoding of footsteps to be kept track of, of your boss whose sole raison d'etre in life - and you're convinced of it - is to come down on you depending upon his moods as he romps past your cubicle in anger, swishes by in haste or sways to a chested swagger in happiness as you impatiently drum your desk impatiently in a dilemma to have an audience with him over that long overdue promotion of yours.

You know it's time to leave office as you hear whispers tsunami into loud chatter amidst bags thumped on work desks and computers lullabying the same old shutdown jingle.

On your way from office, retracing your path home, you are left to defend yourself from the by now maddening pandemonium of rush hour traffic at its audible best.

Finally, home at last...and horror of horrors...your wife's returned from her 'maikaa' having cut her trip short to give you a surprise. Surprised, you definitely are as you bellow disguised niceties at her knowing it's just a matter of minutes before the next quarrel erupts over plans for dinner...mujhe merii biwi se bacchao!

That's Mumbai for you at its disquietituous best, described in one word – dare I say so!!!

Spiritual Calculus

I'm talking to Deepa as I'm filing my post for today. She's busy updating her blog as I do mine.

Now Deepa or Deeps as she is popularly known and I have been friends for sometime now. She's a junior of mine from B-School with whom I've had some amazing conversations that have ranged from the most abstruse to the esoteric. And considering most of the conversations at B-School centre around surviving impossible deadlines and the idiosynchracies of far more impossible prof's who staunchly believe that living a 72 hour life in a 24 hour day is a as natural as is the sun rising in the east every morning - effortlessly, our tet-a-tetes provided us with the much needed succor from this routine.

And we've had loads of fun whilst at it not to mention potfuls of coffee and endless visits to Barista, a local coffee pub and by far our favourite hangout joint!

So, what were our conversations like? Well, we've discussed them all - from books, music and human psychology to books and music and human psychology! And considering we are both ardent readers who enjoy almost the similar if not same genres of writing and music it's cerebral nirvana for us both everytime our neurons interlock.

Psychology has always been an integral part of our discussions, almost like the main course, bereft of which no true meal is fully ever complete. In fact at times we'd end up so hungry for this meal that we'd help ourselves to endless servings, unmindful of the fact that it came in served as an entree, run into the main course and end up in dessert. Talk of psycho babble gluttony, I think we've more than shamelessly indulged!

The result being that we'd dissect issues than spanned the human psyche threadbare. Complexes, personality disorders, self esteem, insecurities, graphology, platonic relationships (our's is one such), assertiveness and emotional intelligence - all and I mean ALL were carefully analysed and put into perspective in the course of the experiences we had encountered.

I've never really believed in the concept of a soulmate, but if I did, perhaps this'd be the closest shave I'd have with it! And then again, it's not that we've not had our share of disagreements, God knows we've had many time over and again, 'time' (or the lack of it) being the key word here central to most of our disagreements. I absolve myself once and for all, by repeating as I've mentioned before - time management was never my forte and I know no less than a dozen who'd vociferously vouch for that. So there, Deeps..

The contours of the landscape that is life sometimes wind across mirage like expanses wherein you come across folks who manage to hold your attention with their sense of purposefulness in life and even more importantly their belief in that sense of their purpose. Deeps is one such (the other being Kiran). Gosh, it's amazing to see them manouvere their way through life, negotiating its bends with a stamina and enthusiasm, the source of which constantly seems to bewilder me!

...for what else would you say of someone who's emerged from the roughest patch of her life, thanks to a relationship gone horribly wrong, unscathed by the razorly slashes of emotional trauma etched deep onto her soul...a keen sense of purpose in life and pride of living life on your own terms is what I'd trace it down to. And it's not that she had no option, it's just that she'd have it no other way. Now that's what resilience of spirit is all about. It's not about playing to win all the time, more often than not it's about learning how to play it right! And so what if in these attempts you flounder and fall and so what if people accusingly call you names...and just so what?

Paving way through this peer clutter and yet maintaining a directional focus is emotional maturity. Experiencing all that life has to offer sans embitterment of the past is courage. Walking the tightropes of both is grace.

Having said that - and that seems like quite a lot, considering I started out not knowing what to post for today - here's to you Kiran and Deepa, from whom I've learnt being, what else, but graceful silly!

"Life is learning about the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed, no matter what it takes, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Soliloquy...

I have been spending some quality time with myself lately; I needed it bad – needed sorting out.

The outcome has been very encouraging - feel stronger, sorted-out and confident. Sorted-out being the key word…GOD DAMN I sure needed that! There were issues by the plenty that called for my attention, if I only so much as cared to assert them their due importance (time mgmt was never my forte and I know of no less than a dozen who will vouch for that). Issues relating to…

> my choice of a career (boy! am I glad that’s been finally taken care of,
period),

> me coming into my own– as a person (and it’s not as simply said as that,
though I particularly enjoyed growing through this one…aye boy! I
finally have an identity,more importantly an identity I can identify
with; I have painstakingly worked at it) - and -

> finally, that of keeping alert tabs on my vulnerable habit of growing
attached to and dependent on people. Now, this one’s GOT to be
experienced… suddenly there’s no emotional baggage, no who’s thinking
what or why, just clear, unlimited lightnessof body and of mind, very
akin to a 160 kmph on a well-lit deserted freeway.

I sure am going to enjoy this drive…feels like heaven!

Birthday Blues

My 25-th birthday just went by. Another year gone in the face of the next approaching. This was my second birthday consecutively spent away from home. Didn't get as homesick this time around as the last, though the craving for attention and the intense need to be indulged upon was just as strong.

Away from home and my close-knit friend circle in Mumbai, my birthday this year, was okay, nothing singular about it save the pride of having being crowned with an (extra glow) aura of prominence, the intensity of which was inversely proportional to time, as the day progressed at college...

I'm no megalomaniac but let's face it, it feels good to be made to feel important on your birthday - so important that your family and close friends take time off their ablutions of daily life, and make the effort to call you and shower you with their loving warmth. I guess the all consuming need to feel validated as an individual is universal, more so on occasions like your birthday! Thankfully in that sense I felt more than just validated!

Meanwhile, post birthday euphoria, my life ambles on into the darker realities of this last and final trimester at B-School, as I (forcibly) busy myself in its drone of mundanities. Hoping that the Ides of March bring along with it reason for much needed succor from this sense of all pevailing boredom, as I will by then have nostalgically inked the concluding chapters of my life at B-School here in Chennai...

It's back home to Mumbai after that for a brief vacation before Hyderabad beckons at the call of work, sometime in May.

Like I said, another year gone in the face of the next approaching.

With the ink slowly drying in on one chapter of my life, I'm only too ready to begin penning down the script for the next.

Like they say, this way or that - life goes on...!

Rambling Along...

More often than not of late I seem to find myself drifting aloof and not deliberately at that. Nothing unusual about it, save that given the fact that one is used to being at the hub of all activity, if not in the midst of it, it can be unnerving to experience a sudden all encompassing whiff of guarded solitary-ism.

Guarded because I seem to have become very protective of my own private space, vocal is more like it and no amount of it seems to be enough. Guess it’s a phase I seem to be passing through… all the same it sure seems to have made its presence felt. This being manifest, in the choice of company I so choose to keep. This is not to say that I have begun to sport an all-new friend circle, although given my weakness to continually stretch its ever-expanding radius that could very much be possible.

Lately, I’ve noticed myself gravitate towards mature and mellow company, and having said that, I don’t mean to come across high and mighty in a condescending vein on the rest of them all, much as it might sound like that, but the truth is far from it. Company like that comes few and afar and should one be fortunate to be in such company, care should be taken to cultivate and sustain it for company like this unfailingly brings to the fore those precious hidden facets of personality that fit in like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle into the mosaic of an otherwise incomplete life. You only learn in such company and thrive as an individual outside it. I have!

In fact, chances are, if you're reading this blog, I have you to thank for this accomplishment. because the truth is, I'm not just me; I'm a little bit of everyone that has had an influence in my life. And so you've probably made more of a difference in my life than you realize.

And in a special way, a special thank you to you - Kamana, Aarti, Chatty Chechii ;-), Vijay, Kiran and Raghu if you are reading this...

"Some people walk into our lives and quickly go. some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same."

Presenting Nirvana Lounge...

I don't know why, but for quite some time now, I have been contemplating of maintaining a blog,. Today however the 'want' to maintain one seems to have reached its zenith...

I have no singular reasons for wanting to maintain one, save the fact that it serves to reassure me that now having created this one, I will have in the process have carved a lil' niche for myself as a means of self-expression, my temperaments well be damned!

Having said that, I welcome you to browse through my blog as I update it before you on a near-regular basis in a bid to decipher - in my own way - the collective experiences that make up this journey I call 'life' as it unveils itself before me.

Through it I intend to take you on a journey that covers the expanse of this multi-faceted “state of mind” as I attempt to transcend battlefields of philosophy and logic armed with creative bursts of thinking and poetry from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Welcome into my space as I keep you - the reader - abreast of these happenings as they unfold.

Welome to Nirvana Lounge ...

Cheer's,

Trev.