Squaring the Circle...

Over the past many months I’ve done quite some thinking over why certain relationships work and others don’t. And what I’ve come up with is information that deserves to be fine-toothed by combed examination.

I also realise that more people than I can possibly think of deliberate and mull over the same thing almost regularly, however circumferencing their understanding around the radius of self, which I believe is not radius enough to make a fair conclusion.

This is to say that we as individuals would never in a lifetime bring about change if not for our interactions with those around us. Constant interaction of all sorts rubbing on us – both ways good and bad - make us realize our need for and to change, or to reassure us that we fine the way we are – short, tall, fat, thin, dark, fair, gifted, challenged, warts, blemishes or both…

In my many many discussions with friends and with myself, I have come to believe that relationships that stand the test of time and patience have one major thing in common - willingness; It is why people stay married for many years, why families stand-by strong, why people choose to remain in love despite times of adversity.

Willingness is accepting people for who they are and not for what they might be. It’s about adapting, sometimes even stretching beyond your elastic limit - and that’s tough. I guess that’s what Amma means every time she refers to “being the bigger person” in a relationship.

It’s a tough cookie to digest, especially when you know that it has to pass through your buckled cavity of inertia; An inertia that by its very nature is opposed to a change in existing state, causing people to sit idle in the face of life’s changing paradigms.

But this is not to be, at least not in a life that is more than just about myself.

I increasingly am made to realise that the more I allow myself to rub against those who think differently than I do, the more I learn that there is more than one perspective on how this journey through life is travelled. Reminds me of the Carnot’s cycle in high school Chemistry…

I have realised that the more I revolve my life around others, the more I learn to be a better person

People (or even situations) are like sand paper, constantly smoothing your rough edges provided you’re willing to let them. Abrasion happens when you decide not to yield. It’s a conscious decision you have to make to be willing. And, here I must add, willingness does not equate conforming – blindly or otherwise - to someone else. Rather it's taking time consider all possible options and yet realizing that the options of dealing with people issues are endless.

And it not that you have to be in concurrence with the otherat all times as well; Disagreements, varied opinions/perceptions/perspectives are but inevitable, considering that there are as many insights as there are people. But these counter viewpoints are vital because they make you grow and think about things that are important to you. They help you stand up and put up a good fight, especially when you care enough to work hard building facts supporting your point of view.

And that’s the ultimate truth of life. Two people comfortable with each other, don’t an easy life with each other always make. It’s the willingness to make the effort to stay on and make things work that separates the wheat from the chaff.

In many ways I guess, this key understanding has come to sum my relationship across my role-set of interaction with family and close friends alike. You don’t throw good thing going for you because it’s hard work; rather you learn to take one day at a time telling those who matter “ I’ll never give up on you no matter what…”

"A good relationship is about you telling me what a son of a bitch I am, and me telling you what a pain in the ass you are and we not worrying about hurting each others feelings because in a few seconds, we’ll be over it and onto the next pain in the ass thing!" (simply love that line...borrowed as it is were from The Notebook)