India Talkies

The frozen wind
Passes through me;
Fallen leaves,
Borrowing it's energy,
To regain life
For brief moments.


I trudge on,
Searching for the life,
That I once knew;
Lost now,
In a shadow
Of mimicking normalcy.

The nights have grown cold.

Thoughts once charged
With emblazoned passion
Have cooled to embers;

Ignited only by carefree and callous airs,
Of materialistic mornings and socialite evenings

I’m reduced to just a mere outline;
Vacuous, I lay in wait...
...To be filled by your presence.

Come, step inside the shrine you long abandoned;

Though hardened from the cold,
I exist there amorphously still...

In patience here I lay in wait,
For you to reignite my flame.

I know you’ll be back one day...
Step in...
...Only you can make me whole again.
Jai Hind!


- Trevor Mark Fernandes


HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

She's got her Ticket...

Anu (and that's not her real name) a fellow blogger is a special friend of mine. Special not because, we're fast buddies or some such but because of the special understanding we have between us as friends. Anu and I are friends through B-School and and all through our association, even back then, the only constant about this friendship we shared was the periods we didn't keep in touch regularly with each other. But somehow, in the event that we did club up - the vacuum of communication notwithstanding - nothing (to our surprise) seemed to alter the status quo from where we last left. And to me, that's a beautiful feeling.

And so it was that in the course of one such happenstance meeting at a coffee shop that she told me about how her parents had begun the all elusive search for Mr. Right and how terrified she actually was of the concept of an 'arranged marriage.' (And here I take the liberty to quote her(sic) "Imagine the horror of waking up in bed the morning after with a complete stranger...")

All this, barely a few months ago; Anu is now happily engaged to be married to her Mr. Right. It is an arranged marriage (but of course, after all she's not only the very quitessential Indian but Tam bhram as well you see!) with a courtship period running into a good few months. Arranged or love, does it really matter any more? What is of essence is that they are willing to give each other time and space to grow together yet apart, physical distance immaterial. And it seems to work, considering they have clicked from the very word 'Go!' Now that's the kind of understanding that makes commuter marriages work in todays' day and age. And if such understanding ain't love, then pray God, I don't know what is!!!

I am simply thrilled for you Anu and very happy too, because knowing the kind of person you are, you deserve all the happiness and more! Congratulations and here's to you both...you've only just begun! ;-)

Meanwhile, here's an entry (love the title, I do) she posted on her blog long before she met her Mr. Right that I particularly liked, for the refreshingly humorous manner in which it brings out the finer nuances of an otherwise tried and tested (read cliched) concept of the run up to 'The great Indian Marriage.'

Another One Bites the dust

(Disclaimer :I love my parents , though this is a part of their eccentricity which I have to put up with )

On Friday night there was this call from my Dad, asking me for a place where I meet my friends, I erroneously told him Coffee day, having a slight inkling of what he had in mind but not sure, however the plan was crystallized by Saturday morning for a Sunday afternoon tea with the Boy (Lets call him A) and his parents at Coffee Day!!!

Well my parents came rushing in from Chennai to Bangalore, at the speed of light with Lalbagh Express actually in a century coming in early!! Well with my mothers constant what will you wear with my dad’s ruffling through the yellow pages to verify the company A worked - Saturday wasn’t very quiet. My mom took out the sari with the most zari, to wear. This is a lady who has been a H.O.D of management in leading woman’s college , but firmly believes that in these situations the girls mom responsible for updating the future mom in law on the family background and speaks only to answer questions on my culinary skills and moral upbringing.

On entering Coffee day, my dad was shocked at the ‘noise’.. he then asked the maitre d to switch it off :) . A was kinda hoping as I was that he was anywhere else when my dad loudly asked him to sit next to me so we can exchange views, over “Evanescence” screaming “my immortal”. The parents kept looking at us expectantly and to satisfy them, A came up with first question- pretty good one since his eyes kept moving to Priyanka Chopra on screen shedding most of her clothes. “where do you work ?” – well the questions was good, because my dad had just finished retelling my entire history in good old Bangalore, right to the fact that I walked to office from home and the number of dogs I encountered on my way there!!! So I told him and asked the compensatory ‘what about you and office?’ routine. He answered to me or I think he did, as his eyes were focused on anything but me!! Through the excruciating 45 mins he kept looking over my shoulder, or at my dad or at MTV with no music. So the A is shy , as my dad fondly put it later…”It means he a good boy, he doesn’t look at girls” ...OH PLEASEEEEE...

To add to the whole circus of things, the order was taken by waiter.. My dad asked coffee – to which came prompt reply “Mochha or Capuccino?”. Now my dad was taken back – looked at the waiter and asked “This is Coffee Day- U serve Coffee Right”?? So I had to step in and quickly update my dad on the advancement in the brew industry in the last 10 years.

Taking a smoothie for the A, the rest of us had Cappuccino . Well my mom wasn’t to be left behind, she suggested the mandatory sweet to be brought in .When the waiter said they didn’t serve Sweets looking the poor waiter in the eye with a wintry glance “So cake is not sweet here”??The poor guy didn’t know what had hit him. Stepped in again and ordered a Black forest to keep the general peace and I swear I think I saw a glimmer of gratitude in the waiter’s eyes.

In the meantime A and I were trying to find a slim pane on which we could meet. He was a sports fan whereas the only channels not tuned on my TV were the sports ones- I like watching tennis only when there are tall, good looking Czech/Romanian/any former USSR countrymen playing :). My passion is Music and books, on enquiring on those, ‘A’ sweetly replied all he read were Harry Potter’s and music thoughts were met with a shrug, all while looking over my shoulder to an invincible person seen only by him (Btw I look passable, as per general opinion, so I know that it was not my looks which made him stare into space)

OK- no habits/hobbies/movies/people in common. Next round was family. Which was taken care by my dad who explained to the listening pleasure of all the people in the restaurant the family tree right from my great granddad’s period. My mom quietly intercepting on how my culinary skills to be attributed to the amazing genes of my forefathers :)). Time drew on, my entire concentration was on hookah pipe smoked by the under aged kid nearby ,hoping to God, a genie would appear and grant me my wish of vanishing from that time zone for the next half an hour.

I finally woke up when my dad asked for the bill. Both the waiter and I wore similar looks of relief on our faces. My dad asked us to exchange our cell nos. while loudly proclaiming that finally it was in our hands and Gods. I doubt God will have much to do with the final outcome,considering A and I were trying best to get out of there as possible.

A did not give me his number and I am hoping that he doesn’t call. I hope he finds a wife who is a sports fan and also doesn’t mind being invisible when he talks to her :)

My dad is sure they are impressed and will call, all the while checking the net and matrimonials for new finds!! My mom on the other hand , shakes her head at me for being opinionated and promptly starts praying for the next one to be the final one!! Well that was a nice experience, I learnt that I finally needed to tune my TV to the news in sports too, maybe the next one will speak to me instead of invisible gal behind on Saffin’s serve.

P.S: Anu...hopefully this post should ensure for me a personalised invite to your kalyaanam. As for being a Rebel, well not quite but hmmm...where did I hear that one before ;-))??? Btw, this post is titled bearing in mind - you know it don't you - !

Writers' Bloc...

The last few months have been kinda' busy, what with the onset of a flurried work life taking it's toll on my time for (much cherished) written pursuits.

I am at home right now, back in Mumbai, for the dearly awaited long Independence weekend and boy, it sure feels good!

Meanwhile, here's a post on my maiden attempt at short story writing. Incidentally, this one was written for a short story competition, held back at work. The rules for the competition were as under:

The story had to be no longer than 9000 odd character spaces

The story had to be woven in continuity and sequence around the sentences highlighted

The title of the story, "A Walk to Remember" had to have a considerable bearing on the outcome of the story


Read on then...

Read on then...

After a hard week of activity at work, I was desperately in need of some much needed solitude and space for myself. And so that chilly Friday evening in the month of December I decided to walk down from work, in Flora Fountain, to the good ole’Colaba woods – a place that I had begun to believe, was “my very own,” that afforded me calm and quiet and nursed me back to strength, metaphorically, from the emotional ravages of time on my psyche. Here, in the woods I felt cocooned and protected from it all.

As always that winter evening too the woods were lovely, dark and deep, in the way they had always been. Perhaps darker and deeper, on second thoughts, given the curdled state of mind I was in. A broken relationship does that to you. More so if you just broke up the day before. Wedging my way through the thicket, I proceeded for the farthest corner for fear of being sighted by any familiar faces. I was not up for exchanging any kind of pleasantries. This was prized time for myself and I was going to make sure it stayed that way! To my good fortune, the woods wore a deserted look that evening, just the way I had hoped it would be. Sighing in relief I sat myself down upon a broken tree stump and before long was lost in a train of thoughts. Then suddenly, as if from nowhere, my ears were alerted to the sound of faint sobs in the distance. The tone was unmistakably that of a woman. I peered my head to get a better look. She was seated with her head tossed on the shoulders of the man beside her as he made futile attempts at consoling her. “I want to experience motherhood,” she sobbed, “to know the essence of what it means to be a woman. I want to love, be loved, care, feel cared for and feel fulfilled…” and having bared the vacuum of her barren hopelessness thus, she pivoted her heavy head at a slant, staring blankly at the cold winter sky in a manner as if she were expecting it to sympathize with her and then lamented, “I have always wanted to have children and now it’ll never be possible,” in an unguarded outburst of raw display of emotion, the very sight of which lent my heart out to her cause.

So they were man and wife then, I deduced. Married yet unable to conceive a child of their own! Some irony that, I thought to myself. God does play dice. Why else then, in a country 900 billion strong and still growing would he single out this one couple so as not to have a child of their own? It was not fair. But then life was never known to be fair. Had it been that way, Tara and I would never have broken up after 4 years of a steady relationship. As I helplessly sat there pondering over the ever elusive mystery that was life, my attention was suddenly drawn to the sight of bright colored balloons that dotted the sky. There they were in all shapes and colors, rising effortlessly higher and higher making a very pretty sight in contrast to the moonlit canvas of that cold winter sky. If only it were possible for me to experience that kind of lightness right now…if only…! Drawing myself back from that thought, I was now curious to know who let up those balloons, setting them free into the wilderness? It was then that I noticed a bright faced and cheerful little girl, no more than six years of age walking past in the direction of that unhappily married couple. She sold balloons for a living, I gathered, seeing the clutch of plentiful balloons suspended tightly from her small fists. Boldly and yet in all her innocence, she walked up to the couple and sat beside them. She had heard the woman cry and in a bid to comfort her, intended to give her a couple of her brightly coloured balloons so as to pacify and calm her.

“Why are you sad,” she asked of the woman...

Then as if it didn’t matter why anymore, she said “here, have some of these. They’re the best I have. Watch them rise into the sky and they will make you feel better. My mother used to say so every time I cried when I unhappy...but that was when she was alive…” And then as if filled with longing and looking skyward the lil' baloon girt too quietly burst out into tears.

The couple was startled by what had happened until now. And the man - he was visibly at a loss for words. Moreover, he suddenly seemed to be acutely conscious of the attention coming his way - first an inconsolable wife and now this! How was he to handle it? Distressed, he looked in the direction of his wife.

Catching the cue from him, though still choking over her sadness, the woman summoned her voice to ask “And what about your father little girl?” “I have never seen Pa. Ma used to say, he left for the war and never returned. But I know he and ma are safe up in their new home in heaven because everytime I miss them, I release a balloon into the sky and when it rises higher and higher I know Ma and Pa are waiting to receive it from me. Then I know that they still love me…and are looking over me and I am happy again,” she said she chuckling in her childlike glee, that seemed as if she had discovered a whole new happy world or herself.

I was speechless and overcome by emotion as I heard these words from that little girl that December evening. A broken relationship at 24, hard as it was on the lovelorn nerves, was one thing. But a broken family with nothing to look forward to, at a tender age of 6 is quite another! And to think, there was nothing to look forward in my life after Tara…

And then whilst I sat thinking about it, somewhere I got lost in thought as I re-ran the entire episode of events that fateful evening in my mind…Tara, my walk to the Colaba woods, the unhappy couple, the little balloon girl…My thought process was broken yet again…but this time by the cheerful and loud laughter of that little balloon girl as I saw her cuddled in the arms of that woman as she strode with pride along with her husband into that moonlit night away from the woods into a world they’d now call as ‘family.’ I knew that very instant, that there right before my eyes a family was made!

Yes, God did play dice that evening with three lonely people and this time they lived happily ever after as one family!!!

- Trevor Mark Fernandes