Auroville

...had one of the most perfect get-away weeks ever. It left me experiencing so much that I'm lost wondering where to begin. But all good times must be chronicled and so let me begin.

There's something about that place...a mysterious something that uplifts the senses and anchors the soul. It is barely striking, if at all, at first glance. On the surface it appears rather incomprehensible, leaving you wondering what all the fuss is about now really. And then, before long, the experiment that is Auroville unfolds. Auroville is not just one location. It is actually an entire area. I went there looking for an Ashram, I came back experiencing what it was to live in an evolving civilisation, also called by many as the 'Laboratory of Evolution'.

My stay there was hosted by Elumalai (Elu), my host, and member of the Auroville fraternity. He warmly welcomed me into his home and his family. The home was modest, but earthy and tastefully designed (by Elu and his wife), incorporating local influences of the land, spacious and sprawled over an acreage or two of dense greenery. The air was rife with a scent of wetted soil, very akin to the scent of earth after it has been freshly bathed by the first rains. The foliage had just been watered.

Before long I realised that all homes within the Auroville precincts were designed and constructed likewise; living spaces here are defined by the objective of imbimbing and nurturing eco-environmental sustainability! Psst...evolving civilisation, didn't I mention that one before. ;) The architecture across the breadth of this township is refreshingly welcoming and breath taking...be it the homes, activity centres, community spaces, youth hostels and eateries. Lovely!

Having settled down a bit, it was then time to move around and explore the place. Armed with my guest pass, courtsey Elu, I was all rearing to go. Time was a constraint and much had to been seen and accomplished within defined bounds.

I began with the Visitor's Centre, a complex of buildings specially designed to answer to the needs of casual day visitors and more interested guests alike. They played me, as they did other guests, a brief video on the the ideology* and making of Auroville.

After a brief peek-a-boo at the photo exhibition centre and the Seagull bookshop at the VC, I ventured into Boutique d'Auroville, the centre for arts and crafts and all other things Aurovillian; good place I'd reckon to pick up some 'arty' stuff, but a tad expensive for the uninitiated.

Along my way, there were many, many interesting stores hidden behind small non-descript signs, just off the road, selling various items like - clothes, crafts, jewellery, 100% natural soaps made from vegetable oils, hammocks, natural and soft washing detergents, lampshades, organic food, organic oils and a whole lot more. These are spread all across Auroville county. I couldn't help stopping by a few to check them out...did lose some time and quite some money in the bargain, but what the heck? I was her to partake of the experience anyways!

A tip that might help, don't let the lack of a jazzy storefront fool you into believing that going in isn't worth it. You're definitely missing something if you do.

Back on track now - and it's difficult maintaining one in Auroville - a kilometer and a half's walk through the idyllic expanse took me to Matrimandir, 'Temple of the Mother', the epicentre of Auroville...a sight to behold! Matrimandir emerges as a large golden sphere rising from the womb of the earth, symbolising the birth of a new consciousness seeking to manifest. The meditation centre is housed within this awesome edifice. However, one needs to book in advance to venture within and partake of the sessions held there, which I'm told is an 'outta-the-world' experience. That's on my list of to-do's whilst on my next trip here for sure!

Now for some food, growled my stomach, after so many visual treats, but nothing on its palette to chew and eat. 

Auroville is a treat for the food lover. Roma's kitchen, The Beach Cafe, Pour Tous café, the Solar kitchen and the Auro Bakery are names you don't want to, and can't easily forget for the spreads they dole out. Some great food in store for the hungry here ranging from fresh bakes to pastas, pizzas, organic foods, salads, soups, South and North Indian cuisine. The Auro Bakery deserves a special mention here for its oven fresh breads, tarts, croissants and biscuits. Trying out the homemade ice-cream and solar cooled nimbu sherbet at the shaded area kiosk - ensconced within a bamboo groove - is also highly recommended.

Next stop, Pondicherry, (New Hamlet, in Tamil)

Pondicherry was quite a hurried stopover, given the limited time I had at hand. But the place is truely worth a dekkho. The entire town is divided into two sections, the French Quarter ('Ville Blanche' or 'White Town') and the Indian Quarter ('Ville Noire' or 'Black Town'), with grid patterns and neat sectors across perpendicular streets.

Besides the usual list of places to see or explore there, I particularly liked Le Cafe - a French Cafe on the Promenade - the road along the beach. Now this is must see, must do! A beautiful place with some yummy treats on the menu and some off it too - the breathtaking view of the sea, with its restless waves lashing against the rockbed for one.

Walking down The Promenade made for another memorable treat. The police band, looking grand in their khaki uniforms and red caps, was playing at the Gandhi Statue alongside the beach. The band played some patriotic numbers that blended well with the mood that was setting in around sundown.

It had begun to drizzle by now, and the place slowly began emptying out. It left me feeling that I had the promenade all to myself now! Walking down The Promenade with droplets of rain trickling off my face, in the incandescence of the light emitted from stately lamp posts, teasingly rising into the sky along the dividers, , against the backdrop of old French villas on the one side and the sea on the other...was phantasmagoric!

An apt end to the eventful evening.

And that concluded my brief vacation in Auroville/ Pondi, as I readied to drive back to Chennai (another one of my top 3 favourite cities) for the remainder of my stay, before returning to Bombay. It's barely been a day since my return, and I'm already making plans for my next visit to Auroville. Elu, you'll hear from me soon!

* The purpose of Auroville is to realise human unity – in diversity. Today Auroville is recognised as the first and only internationally endorsed ongoing experiment in human unity and transformation of consciousness, also concerned with - and practically researching into - sustainable living and the future cultural, environmental, social and spiritual needs of mankind.

Thirty!

Aaaaand I'm 30! ;)

I just hit the big 'Three-O' and, surprise...surprise...it hasn't mOwed me dOwn in spirit...yet!

nOt that I dO see it happening anyway, but then at thirty One is expected tO maintain a balanced view On life as it were. And sO here I am at the dOOrway of 30 peering at an Open expanse that hOlds seductive prOmise of a life that can be but is nOt yet. Interesting pOssibilities...and a lOt more hOpe. I cOuldn't have asked fOr mOre tO begin with!

The 20's, for me, were all abOut experimentatiOn, begining with the search fOr whO I was and, what I really wanted tO be, as I attempted - hard at times - tO bridge that wide gap with my expirements with truth...truth in the way I saw and perceived it. My Truth!

But the 30's, I knOw, will be abOut experience. Experience Of having cOme intO my very Own, and richer fOr having successfully survived the cOnfusing 20's. All the life lessOns I learnt in my 20's, I can nOw apply. :)

While the 20's have left behind, with me, sOme of the mOst memorable times I cOuld ever have imagined, thereby etching their vibrant presence On my persOn fOrever, they alsO, I must admit, did present me with sOme Of the mOst trying situatiOns encOuntered ever. It was a time where I stOpped gOing with the madding crOwd and realised that there were many things abOut myself that I didn't knOw, cOntrary tO my belief that I did, and many mOre that I knew abOut but didn't like. Insecurity, hOvered like a lOOming shadOw over every bend in my way making me say and, worse still, dO things that, as I lOOk back retrOspectively, make me feel sheepishly gOOfy. Got wasted, acted like an idiOt and then gOt wasted again recklessly this time Over, to Overcome the accOmpanying guilt.

And being 29 sucked the mOst! It's such a silly age really. For all practical purpOses you are nOt part Of the 20’s crOwd anymOre but sOmehOw cling to this silly age because it's the last barrier between yOu and the apprOaching 30s's. That feeling's dOne with fOr gOOD now...and thankfully sO.

And nOw, having lived thrOugh it all, the way ahead seems refreshingly welcOming. A new start almOst, tO begin with. NO mOre barriers Of self-dOubt and eager anticipatiOn in askance Of that all sO overpOwering 20's phenOmenOn of 'peer acceptance'. I AM found. I dOn't seek anymOre and that means I get to BE and DO all that I need tO, respOnsibly, as an aware and cOnfident individual whO has a lOt to share with, and Offer tO the wOrld he inhabits. And that thOught itself makes me feel sO empOwered.

LOOking back, I'm thankful fOr my 20's and am now saying goodbye to them, those crazy, wonderful days, with fOnd memOries Of sOme of the best years of my life they brOught with it. And having said that, I have finally stOpped trying tO find myself anymOre and am nOw creating myself in ways I never knew were pOssible.

GOOdbye 20's. 30 here I cOme!

Here's tO a decade Of unending pOssibilities...

An afterthOught:
"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened and then realises that life has got to be lived - and that's all there is to it!"

Madras Moorings

Loyola...Coffee Shop...TVS Champ...Fresh & Honest...Choolaimedu...Juniors...Mc Rennet...Nungambakkam...Kuttys...Rohan...Sterling Road...Qwicky's...Deepa...HotChips...Crescent...Prem Kumar Padmanabhan...Juice Shop...Petrol Bunk...Star Xerox...Sangeetha...Haddows Road...Elu...Chetpet...MCR...Pavithra...College Road...MCC...WCC...Hyderabadi Biriyani...Gallopping Gooseberries...Jojo...Fruitshop at Gream's Road...Lalit Kala Academi

...Ambassador Pallava...Alsa Mall...Egg Rolls...Vijay...Taj Connemara...Spencer's...Vishal...Higginbotthams...

...M.G. Road...Khadar Nawaz Khan Road...Manju...Casa Piccola...Preeti...Barista...Swati...Ispani Centre...Landmark...St. Teresa's Church...Karun...Rangis...Kumarakom...Onam...Gemini Flyover...The Park...Leather Bar...Rajiv...Thousand Lights...Abu...Satyam...Gopalpuram...The Amethyst...Bharat...Stella Maris...Indira...Gangotri...TTK Road...Lifestyle...Pradha...Harish...Abhiramapuram...

...Cathedral Road...M.A. Jacob...Savera...Ramesh...Zara's...Natasha...Sparks...Secretariat...Queen Mary's...Marina Beach...Soondal...Salted Chilly Maanga Slices...St. Thomas Cathedral...Lighthouse...Dom...Radhika...Mylapore...Sruthi...

...Mallar Hospital...Adayar...Besant Nagar...Raghu...St. John's...Ravi...Elliot's Beach...Parthasarathi Kovil...Vailankanni Church...Karl...

...ECR...Paramesh...Pondy...Priyan...OMR...Tidel Park...Ani...Mahab's...Fisherman's Cove...Urvi...

...Mahalingapuram...Valluvarkottam...Rajiv Bhoj...West Mambalam...North Usman Road...South Bhog Road...T Ngr...Nandny...Gopal Street...Nalli...Vineetha...Murugan Idli...GG...Pondy Bazaar...Residency Towers...G.N. Chetty Road...Jhansi...Bikes & Barrels...Beer...Teynampet...Sun TV...Satyam Office...Cenotaph Road...Dhaba Express...ICICI Bank...Alwarpet...Sashankh...The Rain Tree...Raji...Nandanam...Anu George...Saidapet...Saviour Praveen...Pizza Express...Guindy...Santhom...Kathipaara Junction...Thirusulam...Meenambakkam Airport...

...Ashok Nagar...Kodambakkam...Anna Arch...Anna Nagar...Anjali...Chocolate Cookies...Veg Rolls...Pacchiappa's College...Vandy Ma'am...Butter Chicken...George Uncle...

Cho Ramaswamy...Saarang... IIT-M...Nandny's Appa...Karthikai Deepam...Kolkattai...Filter Kapi...Vadai...Kuccheris...Silks...Mallipoo...Sivagami Pettachi Auditorium...Evam...Sudha Raghunath...SBB...Violin...Mridanga...Applause.

M-A-D-R-A-S... ...missing it!

Shades of Gray

I'm surprised...mad at times too...at myself for having let go of all that meant so much to me in the pursuit of that which I didn't have...perhap's never could have...and yet hoped I would. What was I thinking, I repeatedly ask of myself. I draw a blank. I smile.

And before I proceed any further, I'm not specifically talking 'relationships' here, though the text does apply; I'm talking (about) effort of being different things to different people to accomodate them into your life. Onward then...

The wheel has now come a full circle and I am back to where I began...not really knowing where I wanted to head in the very first place! I'm wiser though for now knowing why they say,'choose your battles, your friends and relationships with care'.

What surprises me this time, however, is that I'm not frustrated at the attempts made, just plain amused. Bemused by my ability to stay convinced in hope and, amused in the bargain at this late realisation: that the irony of hope lies in its being a double edged (s)word, providing as much solace as anxiety, as much faith as doubt, as much courage as fear.

There is so much disassociation between what the eyes see and what the mind envisions.The final thought is just a matter of interpretation, based on choice...and coloured by experiences. Empowering as that thought is, it frays me at times to think that 'who' and 'what' I am at any given point in time simply boils down to just a matter of choice: the choice to live in hope or despair, to love or to hate, to trust or doubt, to hold-on or let-go...

It's funny, in an eerie sort of way, how as thinking individuals we are so adept at manipulating our thought processes to rationalise our choice of actions - it happens seamlessly the other way round too - with a view to stubbornly defend those excesses' of choice. Empowering, did I say...hell yeah, the word takes on a whole new meaning now!

The point is that we try too hard and then we try harder, only to realise in retrospect, that in doing so we've broken effectively no more than only the conviction that repeated trials of increasing intensity would ensure that all eluding success. Poker face...know when to let-go.

Life teaches you all the time and the only way to learn is to live - with it, in it, through it.

...'nuff said!

{To borrow a line from Sthupit Girl, a fellow blogger whose posts' I frequently follow:

"I had a million things to say in this post, but turns out that just the joy of being able to write again is blinding my senses, so I shall stop for now, and be back soon with more. Cuz, like it or not, I'm back baby." ;)}

Alice in Cinderland

She sits by the window, head in hand,
Lost in her mystic Wonderland.
Where fairies fly free, across the sky
And a beanstalk stretches, a million feet high.

In a world where true love is a wish away, she'll laugh and tease and play all day...now hoping, now dreaming, now smiling and scheming...then sing and dance as if time were all hers and here to stay.

Midnight hour creeps upon her, anxiety sweating down her neck.
Her courage strangulated; creeper-like grip of fear choking her breath.

Joys she'd known, dull and seem to fade away.
She must now forget these, conceal her smiles, consume her pain.

With stairs winding, the day long gone, darkness is blinding, she carries on...one glass slipper fallen, the other worn tight, the only way ahead is the one in sight. 
Pained at the thought, no angst she will show. This is no fairytale, she knows...the curse of her choice, deal with it, she must, blow by blow.

But when the lights are cool and dim,
And the sky is fringed with a starry trim
She sits by the window, head in hand
Lost again in her mystic Wonderland.

(Pic: Don Bell Artist Studio)

So(it's finally)Ohh-Ver-Ya!!!

It's been a good six months since my last post. But then, my blog posts are all about experiences that I relate to and, feel strongly about. So irregular though I may be with my postings, I do mean to keep blogging as and whenever I can.

Reading this movie review brought to mind the deciding question put forth to

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

Watching Saawariya, after all that hype, felt just like that. All much ado about nothing! Phew...

                               sAAHHHwariya - Where madness meets madness

The story goes, Raj is a newcomer to this wonderfully stylized (ripped off from Moulin Rouge) red light district. Actually, for all its worth, there are no red lights there only blue, green and yellow.

Inspired by the popular game, Need For Speed: Underground, SLB decided that all buildings should have neon and for some reason, numbers. Anywho, Raj meets Gulab (who is wearing a ring bigger than her face), and sings. Gulab says hello, sings, Raj introduces himself, sings, then he leaves to find a lodge, sings there, walks out with a football, sees a girl on the bridge, sings, the girl sings in chorus… I'm guessing it was somehow required that everybody sang to convey their most basic of thoughts.

Following this, the opening script was something like:
00:30 - Raj starts singing.
01:00 - Gulab starts singing.
01:15 - Prostitutes (in electric blue saris) sing

01:45 - Lamp post starts singing.

By the first 10 minutes, you will feel your head becoming heavier and experience a choking feeling. Do not worry, for this is your brain trying to strangle you. Brains don't have hands, so it's all good. By the first 15 minutes, you're wondering "Why is everybody singing? Why? Why?". A leaked SMS from Karan Johar sent while he was attending the premiere says - "o dear god y is evrybdy singing o shit y wont it stop sumbdy make it stop aaaaaaaaa" .

Anyshit, Raj befriends this girl, by doing an impersonation of Rocky which is even worse than Sylvester Stallone's impression of Rocky and promises to keep it strictly platonic and in the next 5 seconds falls madly in love with her. Why? Because the script fucking said so, that's why! And the next morning he expresses his new found love in one of the most traditional of ways by flashing a windmill, not once but several times. It could also be that he is urinating outside the window. Either way, the AETW (association for ethical treatment of windmills) is sure going to be pissed. He wears a frickin' towel and dances around all nilly-willy. Then he humps a piano and sleeps on (with) it. Lilipop finds him sleeping on (with) the piano and remarks that her son used to do the same thing. He then submits his "application for luvvv" to his boss asking for a leave, and his boss just so happened to be a good mood, so he denied him. On seeing her the next night they run around some more - all singing and dancing of but ofcourse! :-)

And then after all of that and more, she runs off somewhere. The next day she opens up to him telling him her deep dark secret (surprise...surprise): that's she's really - a Jew (Jesus Christ...gimme a break!!!) and that she fell in love with this another dude called Imaan a year ago, but hasn't heard from him since, and about how he never shows up online. Raj now (as if to duly return the obligation) lies to her too, telling her he's a Jew too, while in reality he's Kurdish and then, voila,they become good friends! Then suddenly from somewhere, a flashback shows her, Salman and a duffel bag. Salman brought the duffel bag to the set and absolutely refused to be parted with it. The stars say the duffel bag smelled very much like dried meat, and had a note stuck on it saying "this does NOT contain the highly endangered Black Buck" and, whenever people came near to it Salman exploded into raptures of "I didn't do it… I didn't... no… stop looking at me… what is wrong with you people…" Then she makes him "scrap" Imaan on Oar-cut, a popular social networking post office. "

The next night they have a whole dancing fiesta where Raj wears this magenta velvet suit, and dances around in 'gay' abandon like a monkey on crack. It is of interest to note that of all the times, he is called "handsome" he is sported wearing that velvetty suit.

However, in this town, handsome could be a codeword of some sort to mean "one who dances like an epileptic chicken". Supposedly, the velvet suit caused much confusion on the set and Salman strongly believed him to be a couch and tried sitting on him several times. Okay, so here's the tricky part – he shimmies and then claims to be in love with her. She shrugs it off with her freaky laugh where you can't make out if she's crying or laughing or dying. That Sonam Kapoor chick is one crazy bitch. And then our man's suddenly like, "Damn, I ain't getting laid tonight, so might as well try somebody else" and so he goes to Gulab, but in the process gets his ass kicked by her bouncers, then returns to Sakina, and on talking and singing some more, she changes her mind, and agrees to rub flowers with him. You see, Bollywood didn't discover sex until 2032, and they thought making out was taking a trip to the country. Sex is usually depicted by the rubbing of two flowers together onscreen, going down, after which there're odd sounds like a baby screaming or whatever the hell it is that is applicatory. Right then, Salman appears with his Bag-o-Beef™ and she is suddenly torn by her choices. Should she go for the under-actor or the over-actor? Meanwhile, to help her make her decision, Raj does a poor imitation of himself, which was already a poor imitation of someone else. Pondering over what seems like an eternity - of a few nano-seconds she ditches him and runs for Salman. They walk away. End of story. And the credits roll while you go "HUH? WHAAAA? WHAT JUST HAPPENED? IT' FREAKIN' OVER? AND I SPENT a 140 bucks on THIS?!?!???

In brief, I will now summarize the movie for you: Guy wants girl. Guy does not get girl. Simple!

Expected ending: Raj elopes with Imaan. This movie is based on a novel, White Nights, by Russian playwright Fyodor Dostoevsky. I will now summarize another famous Russian play, Three Sisters, by Chekov: Three sisters want to go to Moscow. They don't. Simple again! ;-)

See a pattern? Fit twelve (or more) songs into this "extremely complicated" plotline and you have Bride & Prejudice. Or Saawariya. I forget. Anywho, the point is that the climax of this movie happens 10 minutes before the movie actually starts. Or maybe even before you get to the theater. This is possibly the most anti-climatic, anti-conclusive, anti-windmill movie I have ever seen. Rani Mukherji is the only saving grace, but even she can't save this lumbering mass of lengthy pointlessness. This is so pointless that it makes the WWE seem like the human genome project. Never before have I felt such gratitude toward the theater management for cutting scenes from a movie. This movie sucks so bad, it makes a vacuum cleaner look like a moderately powerful suction device. I have a new found respect for Salman Khan, and that's mainly because he doesn't sing. Sanjay Leela Bhansali, you are done for! Done for! If you think that you will gain some remuneration from audio sales, you are wrong! The extremely diligent audio pirates of India are out there right now screwing you. Bit by bit (all manner of puns intended). You will suffer. The circle of life shall be completed! Food will be eaten! Justice shall prevail! so shall...Om Shanti Om!

Saawariya is one of the best movies I've seen this year. Yes, if by best I mean utterly screwed up, and by movie I mean one huge music video, and by seen I mean slept through, then by all means, yes. Saawariya (beloved), derived from the Dravidian word Savirya which means insufferable-piece-of-shit is basically Moulin Rouge meets Rocky meets Dr. Doolittle, give or take a few prostitutes and black people who can talk to animals. The sheer extent of its similarity to Moulin Rouge is so frightening that it's scary. You have lighted windmills ala Moulin Rouge, Victorian era cityscape ala Moulin Rouge, frescoes ala Moulin Rouge…. you get the point. What it doesn't have, however is Nicole Kidman. But to compensate we have the lovely, manic depressive Sonam Kapoor on whom scientists have recently speculated, using her mood swings as a more accurate measure of time over the Cesium atom.

As you all know, this movie is directed by none other than Sanjay 'Leela' Bhansali. With a middle name like that, he was picked on quite a lot at school. And drowning these harrowing memories in marijuana smoke for the past 20 years have finally taken its toll. So, in effect, this movie was inevitable; to those who are still complaining: you had it coming, so stop whining. Anyway, Mr. Leela's ultimate fantasy during this period was to make love to a unicorn. But his penultimate fantasy was to make a movie in which the singing and dancing were only exceeded by more singing and dancing, in a city where it is perennially Christmas. Or the people were just too goddamn lazy to remove the Christmas lights every year after Christmas, so they just left it on all the time. As you know, each director has his/her own trademark – for example: Karan Johar's keeps his actors so well dressed that they are often mistaken for mannequins, Gurinder Chada (a special shout goes out to Gurinder Chada's son: "Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials") crushes the actors to death when they refuse to comply, and so on… SLB has a few trademarks too; all women HAVE to wear make-up all the time. Even the really old people, who can be seen decomposing right in front of the camera.

The main characters in Saawariya are:
Ranbir Raj (Ron-beer Ra-jh) : The protagonist of this movie, he is a musician and suffers from epileptic seizures frequently. Songs have cleverly been inserted at points where he has convulsive fits to make it seem like he is dancing. Ranbir is played by Ranbir Kapoor, who is as charming as a weasel in a cardboard shirt.
Sakina (Suck-e-nah): The female lead, is played by Sonam Kapoor whose character is based on a JK flip-flop. She has 2 modes of acting: crying and laughing. And toggle. Nobody really\n knows what she does in toggle mode.

Gulab (Goo-lab): This is a "guest appearance" by Rani Mukherjee, who plays a high class prostitute. Her guest role is explained by the fact that the only time she does NOT appear on screen is the time she "deals" with her "clients". The movie acknowledges special thanks to her at the beginning. This is because, at the end of the shooting SLB went and told her "OK Thanks Bye".

Imaan (Ee-maan): Another guest role, Imaan is played by Salmaan Khan, who plays a Nawab who comes into town, reads the Koran upside down and then leaves. Oh, and in between he and Sakina have a passion filled fling. By fling I mean conversation, and by passion I mean lots of crying. Special thanks were also given to Salman, but unlike Rani he was paid. But due to a certain contractual error, SLB was able to pay off Salman entirely in refined salt.

Lilipop (Lee-lee pop!): The mother figure to Raj, she is one crazy cookie. Zohra\n Sehgal plays this role with elan. She wears lipstick all the time. And can be seen decomposing in real-time. That's just plain creepy. Heather Whitestone, who was selected as Miss America 1995.

Nice Guys Finish Last!

This is a befitting tribute to all us nice guys.

The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.

This is for that time she interrupted the best scoring spree you’d ever orchestrated in a good game of tennis to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that!

I know now for a fact that nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, is the fact that women are just plain illogical when it comes to nice guys!

Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks.

Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all us nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs our patience in the department store, our holding open of doors, our party escorting services, our propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things we tolerate, for all the situations where we are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. Boy, we sure do have credibility in society, and our well deserved vindication is coming. Hum honge kaamyaab - tra la la - hum honge kamyaab...ek din... ;-)