Monday, January 25, 2010

Thirty!

Aaaaand I'm 30! ;)

I just hit the big 'Three-O' and, surprise...surprise...it hasn't mOwed me dOwn in spirit...yet!
nOt that I dO see it happening anyway, but then at thirty One is expected tO maintain a balanced view On life as it were. And sO here I am at the dOOrway of 30 peering at an Open expanse that hOlds seductive prOmise of a life that can be but is nOt yet. Interesting pOssibilities...and a lOt more hOpe. I cOuldn't have asked fOr mOre tO begin with!

The 20's, for me, were all abOut experimentatiOn, begining with the search fOr whO I was and, what I really wanted tO be, as I attempted - hard at times - tO bridge that wide gap with my expirements with truth...truth in the way I saw and perceived it. My Truth!

But the 30's, I knOw, will be abOut experience. Experience Of having cOme intO my very Own, and richer fOr having successfully survived the cOnfusing 20's. All the life lessOns I learnt in my 20's, I can nOw apply. :)

While the 20's have left behind, with me, sOme of the mOst memorable times I cOuld ever have imagined, thereby etching their vibrant presence On my persOn fOrever, they alsO, I must admit, did present me with sOme Of the mOst trying situatiOns encOuntered ever. It was a time where I stOpped gOing with the madding crOwd and realised that there were many things abOut myself that I didn't knOw, cOntrary tO my belief that I did, and many mOre that I knew abOut but didn't like. Insecurity, hOvered like a lOOming shadOw over every bend in my way making me say and, worse still, dO things that, as I lOOk back retrOspectively, make me feel sheepishly gOOfy. Got wasted, acted like an idiOt and then gOt wasted again recklessly this time Over, to Overcome the accOmpanying guilt.

And being 29 sucked the mOst! It's such a silly age really. For all practical purpOses you are nOt part Of the 20’s crOwd anymOre but sOmehOw cling to this silly age because it's the last barrier between yOu and the apprOaching 30s's. That feeling's dOne with fOr gOOD now...and thankfully sO.

And nOw, having lived thrOugh it all, the way ahead seems refreshingly welcOming. A new start almOst, tO begin with. NO mOre barriers Of self-dOubt and eager anticipatiOn in askance Of that all sO overpOwering 20's phenOmenOn of 'peer acceptance'. I AM found. I dOn't seek anymOre and that means I get to BE and DO all that I need tO, respOnsibly, as an aware and cOnfident individual whO has a lOt to share with, and Offer tO the wOrld he inhabits. And that thOught itself makes me feel sO empOwered.

LOOking back, I'm thankful fOr my 20's and am now saying goodbye to them, those crazy, wonderful days, with fOnd memOries Of sOme of the best years of my life they brOught with it. And having said that, I have finally stOpped trying tO find myself anymOre and am nOw creating myself in ways I never knew were pOssible.

GOOdbye 20's. 30 here I cOme!

Here's tO a decade Of unending pOssibilities...

An afterthOught:
"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened and then realises that life has got to be lived - and that's all there is to it!"

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